Saturday, October 3, 2015

Saturday in October

Home feels so good, especially after being away. 

Lots of meals eaten in a hotel room, lots of airplanes, lots of airports, lots of quiet.

I was ready for home.

All my boys are home this weekend and I'm soaking it up.  There's stuff everywhere, they eat A LOT, there's a lot of boy stuff happening at all times.  How come boys can't walk within 5 feet of each other without shoving or elbowing or making a comment of some sort?

It's kinda fun to watch now but I just don't get it.  Will they still do this when they're 40?  

If I could have a dollar for every time I've said, 'BOYSSSSSS!' then I'd be rich.  Really, really rich.

I'm finding myself...and others are, I'm sure, wondering what is happening in this world of ours.  So much hate, so much violence, so much judgement.

I am a Christian but I've questioned...if faced with a gunman, would my faith speak or would my fear?  Those college students stood up for their faith...but would I?  I'm a mom.  I'm a wife.  I crave heaven and the peace it will bring but I like living here, too.  I want to grow old with that guy that I like so much.  I want to rock my grandbabies.  I want to smell the air on beautiful Autumn mornings. I want to eat pasta in Italy one more time and have coffee with girlfriends and sit in my garden with my loves and every single one of those things is such a selfish, earthly thing.

I need Jesus.  Plain and simple.  I need to trust in the promise that He will carry me when I need to be carried and not worry so much about the rest.  But it's hard.

Everything else seems small these last few days.  

And so I'm doing what I do.  Praying for my boys and their salvation.  Praying for my husband as he goes to work at his college each morning.  Praying for peace  - for this world, for those who suffer, for my own heart.

Come, Lord Jesus.  Come.

And until then, real every day life continues.  


Trader Joe's has pumpkin caramel kringle in stock,  the coffee is hot and strong, that guy that I like so much has a concert tomorrow,  my boys (and one girl!) are all under our little roof on our little street, there's a 15 pound pork roast ready to go in the oven soon and I've got a new phone with a major amount of memory on it.

It's silly but I am SO happy.  

So on this Saturday, that's that.  There is a change that has happened - a change in the weather that tells me yet another season has come.  As I'm sitting at my counter drinking coffee, the windows are wide open and even though it is close to 80 there is a slight chill to the breeze.



Tuesday, September 29, 2015


I'm sitting in a hotel room (a super nice hotel room) in West Palm Beach, Florida and am feeling a whole bucket of emotions right now.


Pure, pure joy.

I had to fly East for a few do a quick check on a new program in central FL, do the start up for another new program in south FL and the main reason - to complete the classroom and practical portion of a certification that is required for me to do my job on the east coast.

I was scared.  Beyond scared.  It's a bunch of legal mumbo jumbo and then I had to learn an entirely different approach to doing what I do and then be able to teach it to a class...well, I haven't slept well for weeks because I was so worried about it.

But it was today.  And today I passed.


It's interesting...being away.  I've learned that I don't like traveling alone...I don't hate it and I don't mind doing it for work now and again, but I'm definitely not the type of person to go on a vacation alone.  Every little thing I see and do and eat...well, I want to share it with someone.

But I have learned that I need breaks every once in awhile.  Breaks from laundry and pets and errands and yes, from males.  I need time for a little quiet and let's face it, there is nothing on this planet like a fancy hotel bed and being able to sleep smack dab in the middle of it.

So maybe, once in awhile, I might just dream about a night away with room service.  Alone.

In four days I will have been through six airports, covered 3 time zones, hired 44 crossing guards, trained a new supervisor, sat in an 8 hr long class, had a business dinner, a few client meetings and I am ready for home.

There's no place like home.  There's no place like home.  There's no place like home.

Tomorrow...I get to go home.


I'm finding my sanity again and I think I'm liking it and hope it will decide to stay.  I've been struggling with job has gotten really, really big and really, really stressful and I have just reached the point where I am crying 'uncle'.

This work, while I enjoy it, has been robbing me of my joy.  Not all of it but just enough where I need to reshuffle my priorities a bit.

Pray for me while that happens, ok?  It means me saying no, which in my line of work means death.  On the flip side?  I feel so very, very blessed.  I like what I do.  A lot.  I just need to get my balance back.

But I'm realizing that I'm not just missing my home while I'm here in Florida...I'm missing my home while I'm sitting smack dab in the middle of my family room.  And I don't like that feeling.

The babe of the family had his senior night for football last Friday...we got to escort him onto the field and he presented us (well, me) with flowers and then we watched him play.  I'm loving this season and crying a bit at the fact that this season is ending.

But it really is all good.  And fun.

My middle boy?  Man, I sure do like him.  He's had his world turned topsy turvy and he's not only landed on two feet but he's got a spring to his step.  Part of it is the sweet blond who is such a big part of our family and the other part is a faith in something bigger and more powerful than him.

Seasons.  I like them.

So, I think it's time to curl up in the middle of this giant, fluffy bed.  I think my boyfriend is going to buy me a movie on iTunes (Risky Business or Top Gun?) and I'm going to just chill out.

And then tomorrow?  Back to training crossing guards before I fly home.


Also tomorrow?


Even though it is still SO hot, it is October and you know what that means?

Pumpkins and hay and soup and oranges and reds and yellows and oh, how I love October.


Saturday, September 19, 2015

The Quiet Of The Morning

I'm sitting in my kitchen, drinking coffee with sugar free peppermint mocha creamer in it and eating part of a leftover cafe rio burrito...not a normal combination but a rather yummy one for this quiet Saturday morning.

Oh, and hello?  They're building a cafe rio 1.5 miles from my house.  Amen.

Anyway...that guy that I like so much is presenting at a conference and the boys are sleeping (it's super early for them - 9:00am) and the house is quiet aside from  wyndham hill playing softly in the background.  I had bad dreams last night and didn't sleep well...dark dreams where I did horrible things and I kept waking up feeling yucky.

Over the last year I kept having a reoccurring dream and it was one I couldn't shake no matter how hard I tried.  I didn't tell many about it but did share with a few close to involved a death.  The same scenario over and over.  I'd wake in the dark of night in a sweat, gasping for breath, feeling panicky.  It was one of those out of control situations and I'd get a drink of water and pray and usually would fall back into some sort of sleep.

There were big decisions being made at that time in our little altering decisions and it wasn't until all those were (somewhat) made did I begin to sleep in a restful sleep sort of way.  And I'm thinking those dark dreams about death were not so much about death but about the fact that doors were going to be closed, major decisions were being made and an ending (of sorts) was near. 

Was it all a just a preparation for me of what was to come?  

In Italian we say 'il signo' - a sign.  

I believe it was.

And so this morning, as the sunshine was streaming through the open windows,  I was led to read James...I needed a reminder after this work week to be praiseful with what comes from my mouth rather than curseful.  I actually need that reminder daily, especially the last few years...I tend to speak and then think and I absolutely hate that quality about myself.   After being reminded of the curse of a loose tongue,  I kept reading and he went on to say that if I submit to God then the darkness will flee.  

I love the word flee.  I picture it as running, tail between the legs, not looking back.  

So if I come to God, he will be with me.  How cool is that?  I find such comfort in the fact that He is always there waiting.  Not sleeping, not running errands, not distracted.  He's just there waiting all the time.

All. The. Time.

Flee darkness.  Flee.

Last night we went to see Brian play in his football game.  We've taken to sitting way off to the seems as if (and I'm sure this is not always true) that the really intense parents are on the 50 yard line while the rather lower key parentals are more towards the 25 yard line.  

True for your games too?

We sat there, three of us because Alex came along, too and we had such a great time.  There was a lot of cheering for our boy and there's just something magical about sitting under the lights on a warmish night and hearing your boys name announced over and over on the loudspeaker.  We talked about absolutely nothing of stuff and the Broncos (always the broncos...haha) and food and life and it was just a relaxing, fun time.

But best of all, Friday night football games are another good reminder of separation...that the week has ended and the weekend has begun.  

I'm thinking I need clear reminders lately.

And so today, this Saturday, I've got a few projects in mind.  My closet is going to be cleaned out and I'm pretty sure I will have to remind myself that I need an intervention when it comes to buying any more long flowy tops.  Houston, we have a bohemian shirt issue happening in this girls closet.


And then there will be some time just being at home in the quiet...well, as quiet as a hallmark movie or two can be.  I'm thinking that's pretty quiet.  I need the break from work, from chaos, from trying to be everything to everyone and everywhere all at the same time.  

And so,  here I sit.  My coffee needs a warm up and that's probably the fastest I'll move today.

Happy weekend, my friends.


Thursday, September 17, 2015

Changing Weather

That guy that I like so much was out of town and so these boys of mine offered to take me to lunch...with my credit card, of course.  They are thoughtful...but poor.

And, well...I like them.

So they chose The Hat for ginormous pastrami sandwiches and the worlds biggest order of chili cheese fries.  It looks nasty but was SO FREAKING good...until it wasn't.  And then it really was nasty.  But still, I'd order them again if I was with my menfolk.

I'm getting tired of uniforms and sporting gear.  It's everywhere, always needs to be washed, has to be line dried, smells even if you've washed it a bazillion times and I'm sure there is more to complain about but I'm too tired to go on.

I'm dreaming of a warm, tropical beach and a cocktail with a little umbrella in it.


Brian had his senior yearbook pictures and we totally know the drill by now...they only shoot from the chest up.

All my boys like color.  Weirdos.

The Broncos are our home football team and I love, love, love that even though they are spread out in different states, when the game is on I know where they'll all be.

Glued to the TV.

Having them all not here is definitely quieter but man, I sure do miss my oldest boy. 

That guy that I like so much and I took an afternoon and headed to the happiest place on earth for lunch and a stroll.  It was so incredibly hot but it felt good to just be out and about for a bit.  We've been crazy and work and traveling and it was so nice to have a real life conversation that didn't involve text messaging.

The clouds were so pretty...strange weather happening around these parts.

I bought a new chair and everybody but me hated it.  The boys thought it looked like a grandma chair and that guy that I like so much has designer tastes and this doesn't fit into that and basically, they were relentless and mean and hurt my feelings and the chair is being returned.


But isn't cool looking? And it was super comfy.

Those males totally rained on my parade.  It's ok.  I'm going to burn their dinner.

I needed a baby picture of my baby and look at his sweetness.  This was taken in Italy when he was 19 months old and I just want to eat him up.  He's still sweet and still slightly red and still has magnificent blue eyes.


Time is flying.  Fast.

Work is slowly settling down and I finally had some time to sit and eat lunch of the first time in awhile.  It's still warm here but then in the late afternoon a slightly cool breeze blows through and can you feel it?  The change of seasons?  It's coming and I'm so happy.

Time to buy a pumpkin, I think.


Sunday, September 13, 2015

Text Messaging For the Win

That guy that I like so much was out of town and had to miss Brian's football game on Friday night. My job is to provide updates so he feels like he's there with was made easier because Alex and I went together and he's a guy of few words during sports games.  He likes to watch, process, pray, and mumble without distractions which makes for lots of quiet for me.

I'd also like to point out that it was 95 degrees with 70% humidity and every gnat in the free world was within a 3 foot radius of me.  That's a lotta gnats in a small space.

Anyway, text messaging rocks.


Sadly, it got worse before it got better but the late night burgers with my boys?

Worth it.


Wednesday, September 9, 2015

Overly Chaotic

My work year began and I immediately was sucked into pure and utter someone new, things that should've been done weren't, fixing major problems, working 15-16 hour days, questioning why I put myself through this all and then, just like it always does in life, it all started to settle in to a rather crazy and more smooth sailing routine.

This too shall pass...but until then, I am reminding myself to breathe.

I'm not always successful.

I had a few hours to kill last week and since school has started, I thought I'd run in to the park to grab some lunch while I was waiting.  In the end, a work call caused me to turn around right as I got off the monorail and that was ok because it is so gosh darn hot here that I was actually afraid I might melt.

But I need a Disney day.  Soon.

The last of the summer garden was picked and I've got to figure out what to plant for winter.  I'm sure I'll do some beans and tomatoes and possibly broccoli...I need to do that relatively soon.

You know, with all my free time lately.


My tall middle boy has discovered a love of grilling and boy oh boy oh lucky are we?  

Very lucky.


So one day last week  I had a little melt down.  The house was a mess.  The laundry was piled up.  The refrigerator was empty.  I was tired and cranky and everyone just kept asking for more and more and more.

I called that guy that I like so much at work and just started to cry.  He talked me into lacing up my shoes and told me to force myself to hit the trail.  I didn't want to go...there was work to be done and a house to clean and food to shop for and food to cook and blah, blah,  blah.

But I did.  I put on my tennies and did 4 long, slow, painful miles.  I cried.  I complained.  And then, just like that, I started to feel better.  Lighter.  Less stressed.  The sky was blue and the air was warm and the trail was quiet.

It was just what the doctor ordered.


And then, last Friday, I attended the Propel conference.  I had no clue what it was...I had bought my ticket with my bible study group months before and all I knew was that Beth Moore was speaking.

Not just Beth Moore but Brian Houston from Hillsong preached, Elevation Worship sang, Christine Caine spoke, Beth Moore and then Lisa Harper.  

The whole event was encouraging women to become christian leaders and all I can say is that I walked away changed.  Encouraged.  Empowered.  

To be reminded of Gods purpose for me, to be reminded that my calling (as a stay at home mom) has NOT changed because I am not called to a job...I am called to Jesus, to be reminded of the power of prayer - I can't say it enough, but I. am. changed.

I'm still processing, still reading my notes, still praying for clarity but I am so in awe that this event happened when it did.  To see and hear people I have long admired, to be surrounded by women, to worship for 10 was so very, very incredible.

I am changed. 

 I am blessed.

And then, just like that, the babe turned 17.

Wasn't it yesterday that I held him on the day he was born?

My middle boy and baby boy look so much alike...Brian is always mistaken for Alex.  


College next year?


It's going fast.  Too fast.

So that's been what's been going on.  I miss this space and need to find that balance again...that balance where there is work and then there is home.  



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