My mornings for the last few months involve this:
Me, at dark o'thirty, sitting at my computer while working a bunch of phones. By Friday my job will be cut in half, by next Friday it will be cut by 95% and on June 25th....summer.
It'll be summer....and I cannot wait.
Some are already in summer mode...the gaggle of boys in our world are all home for summer and so we had them and our friends for an easy Tuesday supper in the garden. A little chicken, a little pesto pasta, a fruit salad and some fresh bread...all thrown together in an hour and gobbled up in half that time.
I love that it was last minute. I love how much we laughed. I loved how I forgot about the stress of my little world for a few hours.
I haven't been able to shake this anxious feeling that I've been having...that anxious feeling that has me up and out of my bed at 3:00am. So many things going on in my pea sized brain and I'm struggling with how to process it all...worry and sadness for a friend who lost her dad, worry and stress over summer and the lack of income that comes with that, worry and more worry about a few other things going on.
I just can't shake it.
The thing is? None of it is new. It's all stuff that is on the same revolving schedule of our lives...and it always, always works out.
A lot of it is the lack of sleep. A lot of it is being over worked and feeling unconnected with my 'real' life. A lot of it, most of it...all of it? A lack of quiet, uninterrupted prayer time.
And I'm feeling it.
But I'm also feeling like God has been holding me all together through this time...that He is allowing for this season for a reason. This busyness. This anxiousness. This lack of sleep.
To make me aware, perhaps? To make me keep Him first? To make me...not comfortable?
Ahhh...the questions that arise in the middle of the night.
And then there's the state of my house to add to my worry. This pantry? I would just love for someone to come and clean it out and organize it. Any takers?
I guess I should get some shut eye...my alarm is set to go off in just over an hour. I do love the quietness and stillness and darkness of the early, early day...and I love sitting at my kitchen table and watching the sun slowly wake up my little street. I've got the perfect view of it all from where I begin my workday...and that is a huge blessing to doing what I do.
I need to focus a bit more on the beauty of that today...rather than the stuff I can't control and can't fix.