I woke up in the middle of the night last night and couldn't get back to sleep. I did all the usuals...I read a bit, checked facebook (gulp), tried counting sheep. Nothing worked so I finally climbed out of bed and went into the cold family room, cuddled under my favorite quilt and by the light of the fire had some quiet time.
My brain has been working overtime this week...the kind of overtime that I think is the work of Satan more than it is the work of God.
I've been thinking a lot about do over's and what if's. What if I could back in time? Would I do it the same way? Could I be better?
And I remembered a part in the book of Esther...the part where she was soon to be called to save her people, to stand up for what she knew to be right even though it could have cost her her own life. The part where Mordecai tells her that 'maybe this is why you were chosen to be queen.'
I absolutely love that part. Esther needed a little nudge and he gave it to her. Essentially he was telling her to step forward, do the right thing, act on your calling.
And...she did. She did.
Which makes me think...have I acted on my calling? Is this for what I was made?
I'm pretty sure it was to be a wife and a mom...but have I done enough? Did I play with them enough? Laugh with them enough? Love them, correct them, redirect them enough?
I think so?
But was I nudged to do things differently and then not listen? Has He spoken (and I know he has) and I just dismissed it?
Esther did do the right thing and because of her, that lineage that she helped save, has saved me.
All because she listened.
Am I listening?
I've spent a lot of time out on my favorite hiking trail this week. Brian and I had a deal...I'd hike a mile for every point he scores during his games. Week one he scored 5 which is why I made the deal...I mean five miles in one week is more than doable. Last week he scored 14 points (brat) and I'm ready put him up for adoption.
But that quiet this week has been good. I've needed it...needed to think and pray and listen. I'll be honest, I haven't gotten any answers...just more questions.
So now it's another new week; a new beginning. A time to start fresh. A time to lace up my tennies and pray that kid of mine doesn't score a whole lot in his next game.
But more than that...it's a time to let God lead while I follow. Not always easy for this strong willed girl...but I'm trying. One step at a time.