Friday night found us in our happy place...our little garden outside our little house on our little street. I can't explain how much this garden means to me and what happens once people gather in it other than to say it's nothing sort of magical. I don't know if it's the prettiness of the whole thing or the music or the food or the mix of people that gather in it but yes, it truly is magical.
Friday night gatherings make for lovely Saturdays...the kind of Saturdays that involve a little extra sleep and hot coffee and cooking shows on the tele followed by whatever errands need to be run.
This week? Costco, which normally is a madhouse on the weekends and this trip didn't disappoint...but I just love when there isn't a rush on our part or a massive need to get anything aside from time to just wander.
And wander we did...we gathered an assortment of things from wine to toilet paper to an 8 ft avocado tree because, well, I've wanted one for a long, long time. All was good until we walked out to the parking lot and realized we'd brought the small car.
After a non verbal 'what the h*ll were we thinking?' conversation happened between us, we both started laughing and got to work.
That tree was coming home with us no matter what, so it hopped it's totally heavy self into the back seat (along with me) and rode home with the top down...and guess what?
It still has leaves on it. Not quite as many as when it was living in the garden department but oh well. You can't have it all.
So after that guy that I like so much and our middle son dug a hole half way to China saying things along the way that I cannot repeat and finally planted the above mentioned loose leafed avocado tree we celebrated.
Sunday morning was a new morning for me...a morning where, for the first time in 25 years I went to church (on a Sunday morning) all by myself. That guy that I like so much was at the church he is serving at, the boys all were dispersed to places far and wide and I was on my own.
I felt the need to be in our home church, in my favorite pew, surrounded by stain glass that comforts me. It was a new experience and one that I'm still processing.
After...that guy that I like so much and I met up for brunch and talked and talked and then talked some more. I'm feeling this disconnect from God right now. I don't even know how to explain it...I just feel alone, I guess. I believe...oh, how I believe. I'm not questioning that at all...but I'm feeling a lot like I'm not giving my all for Him and like he's just sitting and gently waiting for me to figure it out rather than shoving it down my throat.
I'm not sure any of that makes sense...but that's what I'm working through right now. And I don't have any answers or solutions so I'm just trying to read. And pray. And talk with trusted friends.
This weekend ended with a family dinner in the garden (chicken marsala, mashed potatoes, roasted broccoli) and the season finale of Downton Abbey...both of which were really good.
And now, let this new week begin.