The oldest of our houseful of boys is home for the week and it's so fun to watch how our family dynamics change when he's around...our middle boy is suddenly not an oldest any longer and is now back to being just the boy in the middle (which is rather enjoyable to watch, I might add) and the youngest goes back to being a true youngest who just watches and takes it all in...and gets a bit of a break.
It's fun. Really, really fun.
That being said, I have not raised a very neat bunch. There are shoes everywhere. Towels everywhere. Coffee cups everywhere. Male bodies...everywhere.
If you are looking for quiet....well, I think you can find it at my neighbors house.
I'm struggling to find my footing this Lenten season. I haven't felt myself truly settle in to any sense of quiet and I'm so thankful for grace right now. My prayer life seems to happen in the car or in the shower or in the midst of cooking dinner and I've felt this sadness about that lately...that here is my Lord who has given me life and I can't seem to remember to sit in the quiet and give Him the best of me.
And then my backyard tree, which blooms only once a year and always right before Easter, bloomed. For me it's a sign...a sign that He lives. A sign that He knows me and forgives me and loves me and it becomes so evident to me...but also it's a reminder to stop. Smell the flowers. Find the quiet. Pray.
Life has been feeling unsettled lately...college plans are being worked on for our youngest, a big move for our oldest, a new job for our middle. I have a new boss at work and there's a feeling of change and unknown. That guy that I like so much has been working more hours than I think is humanly possible and I miss him. I'm missing friends and our garden and am actually finding myself a bit teary eyed when I look outside and it seems so empty and quiet.
I think I'm just tired.
Or maybe I'm not just tired but I'm processing all the changes. Yeah, I think that's it.
This guy that I like so much. I love how he laughs when we steal little moments...a drive with the top down, flowers in the garden, a bottle of bubbly, a roast chicken for dinner.
Summer is coming. Or so I've been told.
I've had two nights in a row out this week and one was a double decker. There was a lovely dinner at a friends house where it's another case of her friend is now my friend and I love how that whole circle of girlfriends ends up working. And then there was a happy hour the next night with another set of old friends and I sat and listened at how different we all are yet have this bond that will last for a lifetime...our politics are different and so are our views on religion and our views on relationships but in the end, we all share a past that glues us together.
And then I came home and put my pj's on and the call came...the 'hey, mom. come meet us for a late night happy hour!' and while every ounce of me wanted to say 'no way' I realized that there was no way was I going to pass up on an invite from these boys of mine...even if it came at 11:00pm.
And while I was sitting there watching them, listening to them, laughing with them it happened yet again. A God moment. A moment of 'ah...I get it'. I've been searching for quiet but maybe this season is not about quiet? It's about these relationships...the kind where I'm being stretched and pulled and molded. A reminder that it's not all about me.
Quiet will come, I'm sure...but for now, this is where it's at. There are currently nerf darts whizzing over my head and a barking dog and the sounds of drywall bending (seriously) and it's all good.
Loud, but good.