Lately, I've had lots and lots of thoughts in my wee little brain.
1. I'm thankful...thankful for little things, like flowy shirts that hide the 20 lbs (!!!!) that I've gained back and am trying to lose. Again. Welcome to real life, friends.
2. I'm hungry...especially for Hillstone Restaurant Group, which includes places like Houston's and Bandera. The food is fabulous and so is the atmosphere and if I had all the money in the world, I would eat there all the time.
But then, it's a good thing I don't have all the money in the world. See #1.
3. I'm tired...and here's why. I might be the only one who feels this way, but...I feel like in an effort to make this country more tolerant of everything, that we have become an extremely intolerant nation. I have always loved talking to people who have different beliefs than myself....sharing what I think and why I think and then listening to my friends talk about why they disagree.
If we are a body of people that agree on only one thing...well, who wants to be a part of that? Are you voting for a candidate that I'm not? Are you using a bathroom that I'm not? Ok, then...I'm going to make a roast chicken dinner, pour some wine and sit in my garden with you and talk in a way that people do when they lead with love.
Will we end up agreeing? Probably not. But I'm not going to unfriend you on social media or not invite you to my next garden party...instead, I'm going to throw on some super loud Abba music and dance with you until my 50 year old hips can't dance anymore. Because that's what grown up's do.
4. I'm stressed. Work. Trying to make the dollars stretch to pay tuition. It's keeping us both awake at night and sometimes I wonder if, rather than following a call...a divine call, if we shouldn't have chosen occupations that actually pay real money?
But I know. I know with ALL my heart. I know that both that guy that I like so much and I were chosen. Handpicked by a divine Lord. We are doing what He has asked and while it's so far from easy, the reward is so beautiful and great. It doesn't make the tuition payments any easier but this too shall pass because all this is temporary and I believe that with my whole heart.
I really do.
5. I'm blessed. This little house on this little street is a gathering place for so many and it's become a place of rest for so many. I'm struggling with the negatives...with focusing on all the 'not-so-goods' lately but I need to stop and look around. We have been given so much...but why is it easier to focus on the negatives rather than on the positives?
So here it is. The house is clean. The risotto tonight, with chicken and arugula, was pretty gosh darn good. The music...Marc Cohn, is playing in the background. And BuddytheDog had an impromptu play date tonight with JacksontheDog and all went well.
The goods have far outweighed the bads tonight. By a mile.
6. I'm struggling. There it is...I'm struggling.
With trying to find my new normal. The normal with no boys left to raise. My whole being...the who and what I am, has been about these boys of mine. I'm still trying to figure this next stage out and it's not easy, my friends. It's not easy at all. I miss the noise and the chaos and the fridge opening a hundred times and the laundry and one more time...the noise.
I like quiet. A lot. But it's super quiet here.
And I struggle with ending this blog because let's face it, I no longer have a houseful of boys. So I'm thinking it's time...but yet, I'm hanging on. But maybe it's time to end it?
7. I'm wishing. A marble slab? Ok. Please.
8. I'm forcing...forcing myself to get back out on my beautiful, lovely, sacred trail. Hiking does something to me. It heals me. I complain and talk and listen and cry and pray and it just completely settles me back into being a normal, calm, whole person.
Buddy and I have hit the trail a few times this week and it's been glorious...and thankfully free from rattlesnakes.
9. I'm ok. I really am. I'm sad about friendships that have changed and happy about new ones that are growing. I love that Snooze (a breakfast place from Boulder) has come to my little town. My boys are all healthy...and doing ok. The garden is so beautiful and I'm loving that people still want to gather here.
And that last batch of wine we bought has been spot on delicious.
And that's about it.
Tonight we are actually gong to turn on our televisoion...something kinda rare for us. There are a few shows taped and we're going to try them out. I loved Parenthood so very, very much and the new show This Is Us is supposed to be similar....so we'll try it out.
But for reals...the moment I turn the tele on, I fall asleep. I'm exciting like that.