I have never been so happy to see a week come to a close as this last one. It was a good one...and a productive one. But there were SO MANY grumpy people to deal with, from work people to my boys to, well...me. I was grumpy and I really don't know why.
But then the weekend came.
I finally pulled it together mid-week and did what I know works best for me. I set my alarm 30 minutes earlier than I needed to be up and walked into the dark kitchen, made a pot of coffee and then spent a little quiet time praying. I began to read a few verses in the psalms and just couldn't get my brain focused enough but instead ended up handwriting a few out anyway.
And while I wrote I just talked to my God...my big, big God who holds all the answers yet lets me feel like I have some say in the matter. Oh, how good He is to me. And kind.
And that day, that regular Wednesday in the middle of the start up of all my programs, I had such a great day. Sure, there were problems. Sure, one of my boys was still being a bit of a jerk. Sure, the tire pressure light was still on in my (free, work) car. Sure, I still couldn't seem to pull it together enough to cook a real meal for my family.
But there was this very strange, very real sense of peace...almost like I was wrapped in bubble wrap.
Why don't I turn everything over to God right away? Is my sleep more important?
The answer became very clear to me.
And also this week I saw the end of a friendship that has, for a long, long time, meant so much to me. But it was a toxic friendship and in a very grown up way, we chose to break up. The end of relationships are always hard for me and I tend to hang on even when I know that I'm not being treated fairly.
Or, gulp...when I'm not treating someone fairly. Because sometimes, sadly, it goes both ways.
Things at work have calmed and I should know better that at the beginning of every school year things are just rough. Some years rougher than others...and this one falls into that category, but now, like it always does, it's all seemed to work itself out.
The house is so quiet these days and while I still have one chick who is still living here, the 6 day, 60 hour work weeks keep his bank account happy and his presence here seldom. It's just strange. Life...and the progression of it. I've always heard people say to enjoy every minute of your littles being little but you know what? Breastfeeding and sleepless nights and diapers are hard. Toddlers are hard. Teenagers are just plain hard.
That doesn't mean it's not good but I honestly don't think we allow ourselves the courage to feel those feelings...and to admit them.
But now...the quiet? Well, it's glorious. And peaceful. And hard.
Just like every other stage of the game.
This week, just as we turned over a new page in the calendar, the weather changed. The air, while still beautifully warm during the daytimes, has this incredible little chill in the mornings and evenings.
SoCal might not have real seasons but at the same time we do and I love the subtleness of them. I threw on a sweater the other evening in the garden and the next day dug out the yummy smelling pumpkin candle.
Joy. Pure, pure joy.
The garden is still incredibly beautiful and as I write this, we are awaiting friends to arrive. We're serving a BIG platter of grilled tri-tip and chicken, both served on a bed of arugula. There's also a beautiful platter of grilled veggies and some roasted potatoes, aperol spritzes for a cocktail and a lemon tart for dessert.
Because it's the weekend.
I think the greatest gift to myself is getting everything prepared before the party even starts so that I can be a guest at my own parties. I think everyone has a better time... I know I do. I just like to be present and not running around like a crazy person.
Does it always work like that?
Nope...but I do get an 'A' for effort.
Now back to day 2 of this lovely 3 day weekend. No plans for tomorrow...not that I can remember anyway, and that's perfectly ok. I'm feeling rested and ready to jump into the next week...almost. After tomorrow, that is. Tomorrow you'll find me in my pj's all day long...or as long as I can get away with it.